I think I have an aversion to doing things. I want to have things done. But my problem is doing what I want to be done. Again, I am ambitious, I want to do many things, and the chores I make my duties out to be might actually be extremely enjoyable. I go through a cycle of emotions every day, at about one in the morning, I get passionate about what I want to accomplish and psyched about all the things I am going to do when I wake up. But come morning, I get lazy and distracted by little stupid things that might be fun, but help me get to where I want to.
I have some hypotheses on the origin of these problems. Maybe my brain creates too many negative connotations for the things that I have to do. Like I said, many of the things I procrastinate over could be enjoyable. Something about those things discourage me from accomplishing them. I think the first step is to stop scolding myself for not doing what I intended to do. After all, I did “choose” not to do it. All it really does is make me feel slightly less guilty about my lack of accomplishment, and it is probably a reason for the procrastination.
I also need to change my take on plans. I definitely have a subconscious aversion to them. I feel it would be better to just float about in the wind, but successful people don’t do that. Currently, all they do is take away guilt. I need to find a way to let them guide my day, but still let me enjoy it.
It’s time to face the music. I don’t enjoy doing anything anyone tells me to do. That includes me. I can either fix it, or accomodate it. Actually, I think the best option is a compromise. Food for thought. Resolution comes later.